I often replay October 23, 2008 in my head. It was the day my life FOREVER changed. I still feel like I am in some sort of trance. I tend to try and change the outcome of the day or variables but when I snap back to reality, I realize my new reality is a nightmare I will NEVER wake up from. You’re physically gone. There has been so much time that has passed that I REALLY wanted you to be here for…..multiple graduations, career changes, business moves, dating, trips, and just getting your advice on a wide range of things. No holiday will ever be the same and I am already bracing myself for the day I walk down the aisle with your arm not in mine. During every Father and Daughter dance at a wedding I either fight back tears or excuse myself from the room as I know I will never get to experience that moment with you. I even think about when I have children and how great of a “grand-pop” you would have been. Very often there are holidays, BBQs, family trips -all the things you loved to be a part of, that make me think of you. People always say I get my talents of hosting parties and providing entertainment from you. It makes me wish I could have you over for a dinner party.

I am sorry that I didn’t appreciate all your advice when you were still here but I want you to know I heard you. I heard everything. Thank you for planting the seeds. Thank you for showing me a father’s love. Thank you for loving my mom and my sister. I know how much certain things meant to you–like finishing my degrees, traveling the world before settling down, not settling for wooden nickles, and not going in back doors. All the love, life lessons–good and bad–I am grateful for all of it because it has made me in the women I am today and continue to strive to be. Most people say time heals all wounds. I question that statement because life doesn’t get easier without you being here. I have just learned to keep going in spite of. It does help to feel your presence and love daily. I love you and miss you so very much.


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